I have always been too much or not enough – often at the same time – for the men I’ve had relationships with.
Too emotional, too needy, to blunt, too honest, too scatty, too friendly.
Not sub enough, not willing enough, not open minded enough, not self-sacrificing enough, not mentally well enough. Not tidy enough. Not (insert trait here_________) enough.
I am fairly new to D/s. Although I have always had sub tendencies, I never had the language or skill set to explore these ideas. I thought I was just weird. I also thought BDSM was about just ‘S&M‘ – I just had no clue.
It wasn’t until Michael pointed out to me that I could be exactly what I had absolutely always wanted to be – owned, a pet – that I fully understood. And my world opened, and my life truly began.
There are many different aspects to D/s. A sub can be a servant. A sub can be a sexual slave. A sub can be both of these things. There are hard Doms and kind Doms and in-between type Doms.
My D/s journey has been a bit like Goldilocks and The Three Doms.
Michael was too hard. He wrote my transgressions down in a little book (everything from telling him I fancy my father-in-law to buying the wrong curtains). When he fucked me he had zero interest in my pleasure – that was my responsibility. I loved (I mean like, proper loved) that he took complete control and told me where to sit and ordered my food, etc. But he was just too strict.
Stewart was too soft. Stew played with being Dom, though I am not sure he ever was, not really. Pure Alpha male, for sure. But, Dom? Not so much. Stew would say things like, ‘I am going to piss on you and then do this and do that, and your last task for the day will be to put the towels in the wash.’ And then he would put the towels in the wash. Being a Dom just did not sit comfortably in Stewart’s repertoire of existence.
And then there is James. James is… well, James is just wow. A natural Dom. James is the kind of Dom that would make me a cup of tea before a beating so it will be there for me when he’s done. James puts restraints on me with the same care a man might put an engagement ring on a finger.
My welfare is massively important to James. He is a firm Dom but a kind one. And so wise. This is a new experience for me. James doesn’t expect me to do anything other than the tasks he’s given me and to follow orders and generally be a good girl.
I am needy. No, that’s not quite right; I am REALLY VERY FUCKING NEEDY. I require huge amounts of attention, praise and input. James delivers on all of this effortlessly. There is no angst between us. We are easy together, push and pull, yin and yang.
Once James and I found our way back to each other, we both began looking at information about Daddy Doms, as he is very clearly one of these. This post by SparklePig is absolutely spot on in describing the type of relationship we have: Daddy’s Girl.
In my ‘real life’ I am an Alpha female. I get shit done and I make things happen. Big things. I look after my family and my (very large, very demanding) community, 24/7. Therefore I need a Daddy. Like I need air, or water.
The first time James called me ‘Kitten’ I knew it was right. It hit home like a high-voltage plug in a socket. It took me a day or so to reciprocate with calling him ‘Daddy’ but now it just absolutely fits.
Kitten and Daddy. That is so me, so him.
It’s very hard to explain, so I won’t try. I know all the other Daddies and Kittens (and Mommies/Mummies and Puppies, too) will simply nod with understanding.