I have been stupid. This is not the first time. There is a Dom I have been camming with who has some power over me. I have allowed myself to be used and degraded by another man that is not my Owner (Stewart). I lost control and have had to tell Stewart that I have done this. I am mortified and embarrassed. Part of the cam session involved my putting weighted clamps on my pussy lips. Clamps Stew bought. For his sole use on me.
As punishment he made me find every sort of clip in my house and peg my pussy lips, and take pictures of this as proof. This was yesterday.
What follows is the conversation that we had this morning:
S: I am generous, forgiving and kind. And your owner.
K: I know darling. I don’t deserve you.
S: Your ass is mine.
K: Yes and only yours. I am low and humble today.
S: Good x.
K: In a way it’s good, what’s happened.
K: It’s quickly shifted and sorted some things, I feel.
S: I think I know.
K: I think you do.
S: You needed clarification.
K: Hmm. I needed breaking.
S: OK – for what reason?
K: Now you have the pieces. I am broken and tamed. I am in the palm of your hand where I belong.
S: You must trust in me everything.
K: You know that I do.
S: You are mine. I will never own another.
K: This means the world to me.
S: I will continue to break some larger pieces, as they are stubborn and self-seeking.
K: And wilful. I am yours to break and rearrange.
K: No one else could manage me. Only you.
S: You think you know better, then you disobey and forget your one true purpose is to serve my pleasure.
K: Yes. I am at your feet now. My head is on your feet. Worshipful, reverential.
S: I will never own another slave alongside you. You will be my only. Others may Sub but only you will serve me.
K: Thank you Sir, this is an honour.
S: You will know my needs completely and learn to serve me without thought.
K: Yes absolutely, and nothing will give me greater pleasure, my darling.
S: Others will come and go. You will still serve me.
K: I will be yours, for the rest of your days.
(Master has sent a video of him wanking and cumming. He has said that he wasn’t going to send it to me as part of the punishment, but changed his mind. He has shared it with his other women before sharing with me.)
K: Harsh, but deserved. That’s made me tearful.
S: Was that back chat?
K: Not at all. It was observation.
S: Was it deserved after you paraded and degraded yourself for the pleasure of another and marked my body? (I have bruises from the cam session.)
K: Yes. I’m sorry. And properly crying. And you know I don’t cry.
S: No need – I punish, you don’t. No need for remorse or regret. I own those things, too.
K: I can’t help it. It means so much to please you and impress you always. I always only ever want to be your diamond.
S: You can let go of that for everything you hold self-hatred for; I own that, too. Diamonds start in the rough. They are examined and shaped by cutting with their own dust or a sharp wheel. They emerge brilliant only after the most extreme stripping of extraneous pieces.
K: Yes, you are right. It breaks my heart to not be already there for you.
S: You are a diamond in the rough.
K: Don’t give up on me.
S: That would not be right as then you would be someone else’s finished article. You are mine to cut; it’s better this way. I want you like this.
K: Thank you. Thank you.
S: You need to have been plucked from the raw. Now we are shaping through joy and pain inside and out.
K: I am blessed and humbled, Sir. Thank you for your wisdom and guidance.
S: I want you to wank now. I want you to cream your pussy and wipe your cream onto your nipples and let it dry there until you shower. This way you will feel them tight and dry for the rest of the day. Send me a picture of a wet nipple.
K: Yes, Sir.
S: I give as well as taking away.
K: Thank you, I am grateful
S: Are you pleased to be instructed like this?
K: Yes, very much. Thank you.
S: Is your cunt my cunt?
K: Yes, Sir.
S: Is your asshole my asshole?
K: Yes, especially yours.
S: Is your body to do with as I please?
K: Yes. Anything.
S: And to have you fuck others for my pleasure and your reward?
K: Yes. For your pleasure. Your pleasure is my reward.
S: I will have men fuck you so I can watch your face – looking at me while you are buried in a mattress – I will know your gratitude in just a look.
K: Yes, absolutely.
S: I will find cocks that stretch your capacity and every wince will be mine.
K: Yes, Sir. And then I will tighten back up with exercise.
S: You will. And I will allow men to touch and suck and finger you, so I can watch your joy.
K: Thank you, Sir.
S: Then I will fuck you to reclaim you.
K: Thank you, thank you.
S: Your cunt is mine. Your ass is mine. Your pleasure is mine.
K: Yes, I give it freely.
S: Now go wank.
K: Does it matter if the cum I spread on my tits is bloody?
K: Thank you.